The face of a Sexually Abused, Physically Abused + Recovered Love Addict.....may not be who you think of initially.
That's because I'm a THRIVER not just a survivor!
I am not the "stereotypical" image of what media shows as a survivor of abuse however I am in the statics of 1 in 4 women that have gone through sexual abuse & trauma.
Here I am today, thriving through the healing modalities of Meditation, Akashic Records, Yoga, Mindfulness, EDMR, Astrology, Plant Medicines, Tantra, Empowerment Coaching, Shamanic Healing, Spiritual Psychology and Dance.
How do I thrive and not just survivor? SELF- LOVE + SELF WORSHIP without censoring my expression rooted in self honoring choices. I give myself permission to have alone time in my life as a way of recharging my self love battery which is the opposite of what i would do in the past. Previously in my life I hated being alone and would judge myself for not being loved so I would try to occupy as much as my free time as possible by going out on dates every night of the week that I had free seeking to fill the void i felt in my heart. It was that whole love addiction cycle, it constantly had me chasing. I also embarked on my own sacred sisterhood journey including a ritual that allowed me to reclaim my own body and create a shift in the way I see and experience myself that has now trail blazed the path for me as the one and only Pussy Priestess. From the shadows of my past I forged a path of light to help others learn from my journey so they don't have to actually experience the hardship in order to learn the universal lessons.
Remember in last week's blog post, I called myself out with my ego constantly saying to me "Who do you think you are?" which kept me in my dis-empowerment and self doubt. Oh I have a story for you!
Well that ego story showed up in real life this weekend as a women, 20 years my senior, said exactly that to me wen we met and I shared with her what it is I do. She had to first get over the initial shock of my title as The Pussy Priestess and then in her discomfort she came at me with all kinds of hard hits to try and knock me down and question myself. Good thing i had done all this spiritual work and re-framing to meet this woman exactly where she was-in her own repressed fear of her feminine essence and old belief system that showing up as an expressed women is weak. She is a Korean woman in her mid 50's and told me that women like "us" aren't't allowed to be saying such things so how dare I talk about it so lightly and with a smile on my face. After about 15 minutes speaking to this woman, there I saw the depth of my previous fears and worries within her as she tells me "you don't know me and need to respect your elders." I knew her in so many ways: her pains, her fears, her need to wear the big boys pants in the corporate world and walk like she's 20 feet tall to protect herself. The truth is, she didn't't know me and what I came to realize in this beautiful lesson from the universe was that a lot of you who I write to also don't know me as in depth of my journey to becoming the Pussy Priestess.
When I was young I would get beaten for not wearing shoes in the street and exploring my pussy with my neighbor and best girlfriend. My mother would ripe up my shorts so I couldn't't wear them as a way to protect me from men. When I was 11 years old I was violently molested by a friend of the family who threw $5 at me as a way of showing my worth-what a total mind fuck that was throughout all of my relationships and adulthood! As I entered into my late teens and early twenties, I had never dealt with this trauma, I was suffering from PTS after all the abuse and was numb in the lower half of my body. In an attempt to feel and experience my first orgasm without any clue on what I was doing, I took a vacuum cleaner hose and placed it to my pussy. I had been influenced by films like 'Road trip' and 'American pie' and wanted to explore my sexuality also however I badly injured myself and performed something that I now know of as genital cruelty.
I never dealt with that shame nor did I tell a single soul from the amount of sheer embarrassment I felt. I stopped being intimate with long term boyfriend and had to live with this deep pain between my thighs for months before it will heal enough to stop swelling. In my mid-20's I found out I had high grade cervical dysplasia CIN II & III and was devastated at the thought of not having children and cutting out parts of my cervix. I was also seeing a very jealous and physically man at the time and my whole life was overhauled by fear.
This was a pivotal moment in my life that had me hit my knees to the ground and I prayed for healing, guidance, and strength. I went through a year of holistic treatment with an ND named Dr. Michele Gerber in Los Angeles and together we worked on changing my lifestyle habits. As a way of coping with the physical pain i was experiencing and to feel my power in what some would find a powerless situation, I turned to yoga and meditation for the first time in my life. I am happy to say that I have remained clear and healthy ever since. Ladies make sure you don't skip out on your yearly pap appointments!
I know what the journey to embodiment is like and how scary it can be to be in your body again. I also know how dis-empowering our society can be towards our bodies and the false ideas around shaming our natural sexual nature whether your a man or woman. How many of you heard the saying that if a man shows his emotions its a sign of weakness and can be considered a "pussy" ? I think that's total bullshit in my book and an insult to me as I know just how powerful my pussy really is. Consider this, what if the word "pussy" came from the root word "passion" and at one point in Ancient Egypt there was a cat like goddess name Bast who was the goddess of passion, pleasure, dance, and celebration and the word pussy was actually honoring these beautiful feminine aspect that live within each of us.
How would you feel about the word 'pussy' now?
Stay tuned for next weeks email blast as I go deeper into the history and education pussy power. Like I said last week "PLAYING SMALL DOESN'T HELP ANYONE, nor does playing the pretend game that you're less than the magnificent brilliant creation of god that you are." Thanks Universe for putting me to the test!
Stackers are always watching to see how we respond to our earth school lessons!
Find out what makes you feel the happiest, healthiest, and most supported and include more of that in your lifestyle.
If you seek assistance in this new lifestyle design I am here to help. Email me directly firstname.lastname@example.org and happy to share some tips with you!
I spent many years looking for love in the bottom of a shot glass at endless nightclubs, bars, and events and at a low point in my life I realized that no amount of alcohol, sex, and partying could satisfy my deep appetite for love. I discovered, through this perfectly designed journey of pain, that the love I was seeking was never outside of myself, it was patiently waiting to be reclaimed and unleashed. This Blog is medicine-Its my medicine to anyone who needs and desires it on their personal journey to reclamation.