This morning, as I sat on my deck, I moved through my gratitude ritual and had a profound moment. As I was speaking out loud my thankfulness I awakened to the truth of the reality that I am now living in present day. Everything that I am so grateful for today were just dreams I had for myself a year ago that seemed so far away to me at the time. I recall vividly sitting on the floor of my vintage 1920's style bungalow apartment this exact time last year, putting together a big 20" x 30" vision board for where I saw my life going after The biggest heart break of my life!
I had fallen victim to my own victim story. Feeling like my entire life was dismantled, I was i a place of deep reflection and heavy doubt. The dreams I had flowing through me like a waterfall for who I wanted to be and the reality at the time that I was choosing were not a match! Each time I thought about "how" these big dreams of mine could possibly manifest, it brought up the bitter voice of my ego and inner critic; just waiting to give me reasons why it wouldn't happen for me, just like my relationship. I had a very disempowering script running and what was worse was that i was allowing it to create my reality.
The more I allowed myself to dream, the less the voice spoke and more power/energy I gave to my dreams.
The key for me was this: whenever I felt even a bit inspired and joyful I would go through magazine and create. I sat down for 2 months and created, but only when I felt like what I wanted was 50% believable and attainable. Why did I do this? Because if I do it when its not believable then I am creating more resistance to actually getting what I want and it does more harm, sending mixed signal to the Universe of what I want. I mean I really went for it, dreaming of being in Glamour & Vogue Magazine, traveling the world as an international speaker and teacher, running online orgasm workshops, helping millions of people, running retreats, having my own talk show, being on Oprah, working with high end and celebrity clients, move to a house in Topanga Canyon, be a NY Times & Hay House best selling Author, I mean I could keep going on.... but the point is that my dreams are BIG.
Now back to this morning, sitting on my wrap around deck as i over look the canyon of Topanga, I gave thanks to myself for taking ACTION and co-creating with the energy of the Universe for all that is showing up in my life. What was once something so far away it was actually painful to think about it at times, is now the life I am living because I released and let go of control on how to was going to show up and trusted that the more connected to myself I felt, the more pleasure I allowed myself to experience the more open I was to allowing the flow to come right to me of my desires.
ALLOW ALLOW ALLOW!
Now I am planning several workshops for my upcoming trip to Colombia for my first International teaching and speaking engagements. I also booked a modeling job for Vogue Italia which I didn't do a single things for except for allow myself to be a match for that opportunity by staying active in my embodiment practices and putting myself out there on social media sharing what I love and when I return I have two bookings to be a guest for my work as The Pussy Priestess on popular talk shows. Keep writing your dreams down, create a vision board that reflects as close as possible the life that you desire to create for yourself and put a picture of YOURSELF on the board! Keep the dream alive-Im holding that vision for you!
The Universe is indeed listening my friends, what are you communicating?
I spent many years looking for love in the bottom of a shot glass at endless nightclubs, bars, and events and at a low point in my life I realized that no amount of alcohol, sex, and partying could satisfy my deep appetite for love. I discovered, through this perfectly designed journey of pain, that the love I was seeking was never outside of myself, it was patiently waiting to be reclaimed and unleashed. This Blog is medicine-Its my medicine to anyone who needs and desires it on their personal journey to reclamation.