Am I really free or am I just telling myself I am?
How a childhood trauma and media influenced me on a deep subconscious level that I had no idea was limiting me until my recent trip to Bali. (Video posted below)
Have you ever seen those movies that are all about women traveling to foreign countries either alone or with a friend and they get kidnapped, attacked, drugged and end up in sex trafficking trade? They make whole series out them like the thriller “Taken” where his daughter gets abducted from her own hotel room and taken into the world or drugs and sex trafficking and the entire movie is about him searching and killing to find her all the while the other women suffer and are ignored during the process because we need to focus on the main woman of the story. I used to watch so many of those movies growing up, so did my sisters and my mom and it terrified us and excited us to watch it all at them same time. When is was about 12 years old I had my own “taken” moment when innocently minding my own business and walking home from school in broad daylight a Hispanic man jumped out in front of me and grabbed me nay the arm yelling at me to come with him into this underground garage. Shaken and stunned I had no idea what was happening but through a series of events and by the grace of god i had a moment to realize that i could fight back and took my chance so i kicked and pushed him and started to make my escape. As I looked back he pulled out a gun and pointed it in my direction so I zig zagged like hell and prayed for dear life this man wouldn’t pull the trigger. With tears streaming down my face and crying for help no one stopped to assist me and the man disappeared in the shadow of the garage to never be seen again. Karma is a bitch and I’m sure that man got his at some later point in life and that moment in time taught me that i could protect myself and channel my own inner warrior priestess. I have done years of personal development work clearing this emotional fear and resistance towards the masculine and to be honest I felt very clear and done with this situation. Fast forward to present day, I’m sitting in a cafe in Bali on top of a Mountain in Ubud looking out the windowless wall openings in the middle of the jungle with Moroccan hanging lights, giant stone goddess statues and Russel Simons sitting across from us in this dream like restaurant tucked away in the trees. There are people working on laptops, babies walking around, people laughing and smiling, and there I was sipping on my turmeric latte on the verge of tears as i realize my Women’s retreat is about to be over and I’m going to have to adventure the rest of this trip on my own in a foreign land as the ladies at the table are talking about the horrific real life situations that have happened to women they know of or have heard of here in Bali while on their own. I have traveled alone before but never completely alone and free without knowing someone at my next destination, ready to greet me. In that moment I was seeing my entire world through the eyes of that little sacred girl and lost my shit, i began to ball my eyes out and the unprocessed emotions that have been hiding way below the surface came forward. Thank you Mama Bali for your magical land and jungle medicine, I was not free, I was scared and keeping myself safe in a cage of familiarity for the fear that I would experience the same thing I had in my youth or even worse since I was the farthest away from home I have ever been without knowing a single soul. Who would come for me, at least in the movie she was on the phone with her dad and he came and fought hell to get her, but with my phone taken no one would know and that fear sent me into a down spiral that ultimately gave me an evolutionary opportunity that essentially set me free.
I’m writing this from the terrace of a magical hotel tucked away in the heart of Canggu, a. City outside of Ubud where I don't know a single soul and had no hotel booking or idea where I would end up. I got lost three times on the way here which took me over 2 hours instead of the 45 minutes gps had said and I had to redirect myself without it, almost got into two mini incidents on my motor bike. It’s good thing I’m a great driver, rode motor bikes in college and have been to burning man 6 times where everyone drives crazy at night. I drive through the streets super present, and jammed out the entire way to bad ass tunes in my earbuds and I laughed and smiled at all my fears I passed and left them along side the road, on each turn i took making a ritual out of my whole journey here. Bye bye limiting reality! I moved right through them with grace and ease. I found this place through the help of google maps, god bless the internet and my international plan, the times we live in are so different than back in the day of when these movies were created and the truth is each person I met I have been so friendly and smiley with me. I cruised along in my black sequence top with a red skirt with side slits showing my legs the whole way. men would look at me and i would smile and the were happy and I didn’t get any low vibes from anyone. I mean they have so many statues of half naked goddess all around their city-I’m just a real life moving goddess on a motto bike and what I realized yet again is its all about energy baby. The times are changing, women are stronger and men can feel it so there aren’t these killers and predators out there waiting on every corner to come after us. When I went to burning man 6 years ago there was art piece that said “What would it be liked if women were safe in the world” and today I got to live that truth and feel the experience of being safe in a foreign country wearing exactly what i want and holding myself at a high level of divinity in my energy, creating safety within myself.
I felt so empowered, confident, safe, and alive busting through the fear game that had been subconsciously holding me back for decades and just like that the entire world became available for me and a new lifestyle reality was shown to me that I couldn’t fully imagine before. When I feel safe i feel free as a natural result. Liberation tastes so sweet. Sparked from that question burned into my brain, i took it one step further and switched it from a fear place to a place of love and began to ask myself “What would the world be like if women were free”...free from self judgement and shame, self imposed limitations and societal fears. What if women were free from the inner cages they put themselves into and were free in their expression ,their sexuality/sensuality, their voice, their power, what would the world be like if suddenly women were doing hip circles and rolls in the middle of the shopping isle just because it felt good in the moment? What if women no longer needed permission from their own inner critic or the outside world, one may think that this type of women would be dangerous. Many societies think it would be dangerous to have women in power and therefore keep their women suppressed, under resourced, and literally cut off their source of pleasure.
I believe it would be heaven on earth with the feminine running wild spreading her light and beauty abundantly. Businesses would be more profitable. Governments would be more representative. Families stronger and communities healthier. There would be less violence - and more peace, stability and sustainability. I want more women to be their own version of a modern day Warrior Priestesses. When women are free and happy, they will know how to rule their own world and in turn create a better world for all with “fierce grace” as Ram Dass puts it.
Think about being in the presence a beautiful , smart, confident, radiant and expressed woman- If you’re a man you want to be with her and if you’re a woman you want to be her as her higher self whispers “ She Knows She is Free” . The next day I went on an adventure to find this secluded black sand beach tucked away in a village that looked like nothing excited and was so inspired I recorded this video just for you all.
If you can relate to this or have experienced this yourself comment below because this fear tactic to keep women from expanding into their greatness due to the shadow of the patriarchal masculine is an outdated story for all of us. Men are not evil, women are not weak and the truth is we get to create whatever reality it is we desire to experience in our life and its so much better tougher! So I end it with the simple cliche that hold so much truth which is “ choose love” loving thoughts about yourself, the people around you, the world, and the universe because it really is all here in service to you and let pleasure power your choices.
Thanks for recieving this piece of my heart & sending infinite blessing to you all!
Into me I see 👁 #intimacy is not something that is experienced only in romantic relationships , it’s all my interpersonal relationships. If I’m in front of you, you have all of me and I receive ALL of you!
It’s the juice in every encounter and fuels loving connection that energizes the world 🌎 To be so real, raw, vulnerable and exposed in front of another gives the person a chance to see me- to see into the depth of my power, my heart, my essence. I pride myself on being surrounded by only relationships that FEEL GOOD through this consistent dance and practice of intimacy. As a result, the people around me rise and I get to experience all of them so that we all flourish in our loving!
Sure there a million reasons why “ not now” we can tell ourselves that we’re not allowing ourselves to LEAN IN to another but truly it’s an illusion that keeps you blinded by the same story and the repeated experience with the feminine/masculine.
How close do you actually allow others to get to you and is there a limit to how much you grant access? If so on what basis?
Is it driven by your capacity to manage your own thoughts about yourself in the face of another?
It can be extremely scary and vulnerable to be seen for that you are.
Will they like what they see, do I like who I am, will they see I’m filled with excuses, shame, guilt,fear or that I don’t have all my shit together? Will I come off as too strong, confident, independent, intimating, too much x,y, z...and maybe I’m not really ready to be seen and close to another? The only way out of this illusion and story that keeps you limiting the type of soulful connections you are here in this planet to experience my beloved is through leaning into love. Knowing that you are already perfect and divine exactly as you are and by showing up in this embodied living love others can reflect back the light that is your inherent nature.
Be unabashed my loves and become unleashed!!💃🏻🕺🏽#leanintolove #pussypriestess #dance #unleashed #partners #relationshipgoals #consciouslove #connection #friendship #vulnerability #beseen #welookgood #polarity
Masturbation is like sex light. All the pleasure none of the calories! Sex Magic (sometimes spelled sex magick) is any type of sexual activity used in magical, ritualistic or otherwise religious and spiritual pursuits. One practice of sex magic is using the energy of sexual arousal or orgasm with visualization of a desired result. -Wikipedia
When I learned about the power of sexual energy as creative force and how to cultivate and channel that energy I was skeptical at first but thought i would give it try. With an open mind and willingness to practice, I learned to marry my orgasmic energy with an intention to manifest what I wanted to bring into reality.
This is how I was able to manifest my dream home in Topanaga California, made over $5,000 almost overnight to invest in my education and manifest men who worship me as a Goddess.
7 Steps on how to create M A G I C with a Solo tantric practice!
(Once you get this going it will be easier to include this with a partner practice.)
1. Create a space where you are undisturbed for an hour. This is a time is for you to cherish yourself. Make this a sacred ritual: set the room up with candles and flowers; have your favorite music playing, i have a sexy playlist I put on that gets me in the mood as soon as I hear the first beat. This creates a juicy serene, sexy and sensual space.
2. Come into conscious breathing in a sitting position as you prepare to lay down. The breath allows energy to flow effortlessly throughout your body and between partners. The breath assists in channeling your sexual energy in the sex magic ritual. (To learn more about conscious breathing you may want to check out TantraNova’s Foundational Practices CD) or work with Kundalini Breath work.
3. Set an Intention! Reflect on what you’d like to create in your life, work, family, intimate relationship with yourself or with your partner. See yourself in full financial abundance and freedom. Give yourself time to become clear and allow the vision to activate. This is where the sex magic becomes ignited and connects the third eye to your sexual life force creative energy.
4. Raise your energy. Breathe your energy from your sexual center (pussy/pelvic area if your a man) up to your crown center on the inhalation and back down and out again on the exhalation. Touch yourself and keep a physical connection to your body as your arousal and pleasure increases. Keep listening to yourself body's wisdom and how it wants to be stroked. Keep breathing while circulating your energy within yourself.
5. Let the orgasmic energy flow without going straight into climaxing. While riding the wave of orgasmic flow, focusing on full body pleasure; not just one spot or a quick orgasm. This is is where you build up to an oceanic energy flow through your entire sensual system and activates your kundalini energy. Stay in that flow as long as you like and can. The ritual is particularly powerful if you don’t climax. This way the energy gets channeled into your creation and vision.
6. Slow it down! Ride your own edge, keep breathing and circulating within. You can start to feel deep ecstasy and even tingling sensations through out your whole body at this point. Raise your arousal level again and increase your breathing.
7. MAGIC! Allow yourself to go into full climax as you feel the bliss of receiving what your highest vision and desire is all streaming through your veins and body!
Upon completion acknowledge to yourself or share with your partner how you feel and what’s shown up for you.
This morning, as I sat on my deck, I moved through my gratitude ritual and had a profound moment. As I was speaking out loud my thankfulness I awakened to the truth of the reality that I am now living in present day. Everything that I am so grateful for today were just dreams I had for myself a year ago that seemed so far away to me at the time. I recall vividly sitting on the floor of my vintage 1920's style bungalow apartment this exact time last year, putting together a big 20" x 30" vision board for where I saw my life going after The biggest heart break of my life!
I had fallen victim to my own victim story. Feeling like my entire life was dismantled, I was i a place of deep reflection and heavy doubt. The dreams I had flowing through me like a waterfall for who I wanted to be and the reality at the time that I was choosing were not a match! Each time I thought about "how" these big dreams of mine could possibly manifest, it brought up the bitter voice of my ego and inner critic; just waiting to give me reasons why it wouldn't happen for me, just like my relationship. I had a very disempowering script running and what was worse was that i was allowing it to create my reality.
The more I allowed myself to dream, the less the voice spoke and more power/energy I gave to my dreams.
The key for me was this: whenever I felt even a bit inspired and joyful I would go through magazine and create. I sat down for 2 months and created, but only when I felt like what I wanted was 50% believable and attainable. Why did I do this? Because if I do it when its not believable then I am creating more resistance to actually getting what I want and it does more harm, sending mixed signal to the Universe of what I want. I mean I really went for it, dreaming of being in Glamour & Vogue Magazine, traveling the world as an international speaker and teacher, running online orgasm workshops, helping millions of people, running retreats, having my own talk show, being on Oprah, working with high end and celebrity clients, move to a house in Topanga Canyon, be a NY Times & Hay House best selling Author, I mean I could keep going on.... but the point is that my dreams are BIG.
Now back to this morning, sitting on my wrap around deck as i over look the canyon of Topanga, I gave thanks to myself for taking ACTION and co-creating with the energy of the Universe for all that is showing up in my life. What was once something so far away it was actually painful to think about it at times, is now the life I am living because I released and let go of control on how to was going to show up and trusted that the more connected to myself I felt, the more pleasure I allowed myself to experience the more open I was to allowing the flow to come right to me of my desires.
ALLOW ALLOW ALLOW!
Now I am planning several workshops for my upcoming trip to Colombia for my first International teaching and speaking engagements. I also booked a modeling job for Vogue Italia which I didn't do a single things for except for allow myself to be a match for that opportunity by staying active in my embodiment practices and putting myself out there on social media sharing what I love and when I return I have two bookings to be a guest for my work as The Pussy Priestess on popular talk shows. Keep writing your dreams down, create a vision board that reflects as close as possible the life that you desire to create for yourself and put a picture of YOURSELF on the board! Keep the dream alive-Im holding that vision for you!
The Universe is indeed listening my friends, what are you communicating?
In the world of Tinder, Raya, Grinder, Bumble, Hinged and online dating platforms our sexpecations are at an all time high for both men and women! Lets be real, women love sex just as much as men do but what woman love even more than straight away jumping in the sheets is foreplay and the ecstatic build up!
Here's the kicker though, as women we can move from physical world fun into "fantasy land" real quick and begin to activate our own sexpectations and can become very disappointed when we decide to sleep with a man and its less of the " O M G YESSSS" and ends being more like "meh" once the deed is done. What I want to share with you is that it doesn't have to be that way, even with a partner who you know
"isnt the one" you can still have great mind blowing love making with them and enjoy the ecstatic act of pleasure and receiving. This actually works both way for men too.
So why does it fizzle out instead of sparkle bright into orgasmic bliss when you finally get between the sheets?
Enter in our SEXPECTATIONS
According to the Urban Dictionary: The state of anticipating or expecting sexual intercourse from a social encounter, be it a date, a party, or a booty call. It describes a period of optimistic waiting that is just shy of a sure thing.
Its the feeling of having the thing we crave the most that gives us the most fulfillment. Get present and FEEL into the moment with that chosen someone and be in the NOW allowing the moment to unfold and stop trying to control how you get the feelings you desire and just be open to getting them. Here some juicy tips for changing things up and having more fun connections.
Flirt. Get Frisky. Play with your food!
Try a few of these juicy delectable favorites of mine: Watermelon + Honey + Mint + Ice cream + Bananas covered in chocolate!
Take it outside lovers!
Try daytime fun and shift up the lunar night play for some bright solar vibes. It generate more youthful energy between the two of you and brings in new elements that can supercharge your connection.
In the water, at the beach, under the trees.
The MORE SEX.....the LESS STRESS....Just Don't settle on mediocre love making!
As I integrate my lessons from this years burn, my week long journey had an undeniable highlighted theme: Surrender + Soften :: Gentleness is not weakness, it's true power.
I left my rigidness, righteousness, and pain in the dust this year!
The men stood behind us, holding space, loving the feminine unconditionally and witnessing the most sacred wounding of the feminine. I melted into jello and allowed my brothers and sisters on the playa to see a part of me that only I allowed myself to know. In this space of softness I received more love, care, respect, laughter, and tenderness which could only happen from a place of being fully surrendered-I didn't "try" to be ok or pull myself together in front of my friends, I didn't drag myself up off the floor when people who knew me would pass me by to say hello...it was hard to not be "strong", get up and keep moving like a warrior goddess as I had been well trained to be, keeping the pain within through contraction my body to give me the 'strength' I need to get up. Instead I remained and loved exactly where I was and the gifts came to me by staying soft and relaxed in my body, allowing it to move through the clearing of emotions that we're trapped in my cells until the clearing had it's way with me and I was nice and empty.
I have a profoundly new relationship with my body, for she is now relaxed in all the places where pain was once stored and her voice is louder than ever as she asked me to ride the waves of subtlety, following the synchronistic signs of F L O W. Let that be the Universal force that carries me so I may remain in my soft feminine power and stay open to new ways as this integration will make an impact on personal and professional life.
Being both Soft & Strong is a combination that only a few have mastered.
I am a badass with a wild heart and the type of woman you want standing by your side. I know a lot of women who could hold their own because we have had to depend solely on ourselves so we know how to be in our masculine and get things done. Radical self-reliance. Who would we be as strong women without this over identification that society, our sisters, men and ourselves place on us-I am talking to you Ms. Independent Woman? It takes a lot of courageous to be out in the world on your own and create your life, it can always harden us up as women and don't let men lead us causing them to take a back seat. Given we need a really big container and a strong masculine to hold us and allow for us to surrender, any good looking prince just wont do, I'm talking about an embodied powerhouse masculine who works in the subtleties and knows how to loving lead. I know we want this type of KING ladies but can we soften into him and let him be a man or do you want to keep doing it all, leading the way in every situation just because you can? If you are anything like how I was , I had the whole Purpose Driven, Warrior Princess Gotta Save The World Type of Vibe going on and everyone around knew how strong I am. I wore it like a badge of honor with my body held together tightly prepared for battle. Living with parts of me that seems to be in a state of permeant contraction. TRUSTING OTHERS CAN DO IT and allow others to lead me was SUPER challenging for me coming from my Middle Eastern Heritgae, Childhood, and over 15+ years of project management. It was so engrained in my cells to take charge and guide others, so for me to follow someone else was uncomfortable and scary and honestly unknown for me especially when it came to relationships or friendships. My intention last year at the end of Burning man was to " let go of control" and I got extremely clear that was coming up again to be cleared on Day 1 this year. Now I faced two options, I could either resist and push my way through the journey with tension and hope to sync up to the flow or for a change, take a back seat to my mind, follow my heart and others and allow myself to be pleasantly surprised at the way which spirit and others guided me into the unknown destinations.
The reason why humans control is because we are afraid to surrender and trust another person because our past programming tells us we aren't safe to trust.
This burn opened me up to realize that I know everything and nothing all at the same time and that my way isn't always the BEST and ONLY way-how boring would life be if I stuck by that as my truth. The curious little girl inside of me can learn new ways to d the same things that may be more pleasurable and when I feel that badass boss inside who has been running the show for years come up and start to whisper "what if they do it wrong or get us lost....or thats not right we need to do it" I smile, take a breath and softly whisper back to her " I am open to receiving a new way" and this will be my mantra moving forward thanks to a soul sister of mine who helped me with this affirmation that I am sharing with you today.
ALIGNMENT// Blessings happen when your chakras are clean, balanced and shiny. There is no more resistance in your energy field and you are one with the flow of life. Nothing feels better to me than being in full alignment with my dreams, soul desire's and God/Spirit.
A lot of us have heard "what you resist will persist" and why is this? It's because we are actually using energy to "push away" what it is we want and by doing this we keep away what we truly want like abundance, pleasure, partnerships, and expansion.
When I allow energy to flow through my system, everything that is a reflection of that source energy can also flow to me, placing me in a position of RECEIVING. There was a misconception that if I held on to what I don't want to lose that I would get more- truth is that is actually LACK consciousness thinking-not thoughts coming from abundance-when I would come from this place I was in a more closed and contracted state subconsciously therefore creating resistance to receiving.
How does this impact your sexual confidence and bedroom behavior?
Im my experience I have seen a direct correlation of this reflected in my sexual relationships and depth of intimacy where if I am in any place of lack and contraction it shows up in the amount of pleasure and love I am able to receive. The more I open to my partner, friends, dreams, and life the more I can take in and run through my nervous system which attracts my desires. Trying to create from a place of where you are seeing something missing SHIFTS into asking for what you want and staying open long enough to receive it as it actualize in your life. Everything I want is always there and available to me and I am reminded of this each time i find myself trying to go out side and seek something that I perceive is missing. Over the weekend, I found myself in this misbelief-it's a tricky one to catch sometimes when it's active-I was seeking to be where everyone was, to make sure Im with the best people, doing all the things that they are doing and focusing so much outside of myself. I became less joyful about my experience, didn't feel as sexy or confident, and things didn't seem to be working out the way I wanted them to be. I was seeking to create from a place of perceived lack and trying to fill in what I thought I needed in that moment to feel more full and open. I say "perceived" lack because it was something that I viewed through my perception filter that was tinted with lack for in reality there is never truly lack but at times these glasses sneak on to my eyes and I forget. I am human.
What I did to shift this was I slowed down and stayed still. In the stillness I explored where was I not in alignment which was producing these feelings of contraction and unhappiness and keeping me away from what I desired which was deeper connection with new and old friends. In that place I was able to remembered the valuable lesson that I have to simply focus on what I do want and call it forward to me and like a magic genie granting me a wish-poof it all showed up within the next 30 minutes!
Now disclaimer; I have been doing this work for many many years so it takes my reality a much shorter time to catch up with me when i'm in alignment and for those who are newer to these metaphysical and spiritual practices that may think this is BS, I invite you to keep practicing and experiment with this as it will take less time for it to show up and shift your experience more you work this process.
I like to think about it this way: You're sitting in the middle of a field and all of your best friends, lovers, food, abundance, and heartfelt desires come out to play in the most EPIC game of hide and seek and they are all looking for you!
The face of a Sexually Abused, Physically Abused + Recovered Love Addict.....may not be who you think of initially.
That's because I'm a THRIVER not just a survivor!
I am not the "stereotypical" image of what media shows as a survivor of abuse however I am in the statics of 1 in 4 women that have gone through sexual abuse & trauma.
Here I am today, thriving through the healing modalities of Meditation, Akashic Records, Yoga, Mindfulness, EDMR, Astrology, Plant Medicines, Tantra, Empowerment Coaching, Shamanic Healing, Spiritual Psychology and Dance.
How do I thrive and not just survivor? SELF- LOVE + SELF WORSHIP without censoring my expression rooted in self honoring choices. I give myself permission to have alone time in my life as a way of recharging my self love battery which is the opposite of what i would do in the past. Previously in my life I hated being alone and would judge myself for not being loved so I would try to occupy as much as my free time as possible by going out on dates every night of the week that I had free seeking to fill the void i felt in my heart. It was that whole love addiction cycle, it constantly had me chasing. I also embarked on my own sacred sisterhood journey including a ritual that allowed me to reclaim my own body and create a shift in the way I see and experience myself that has now trail blazed the path for me as the one and only Pussy Priestess. From the shadows of my past I forged a path of light to help others learn from my journey so they don't have to actually experience the hardship in order to learn the universal lessons.
Remember in last week's blog post, I called myself out with my ego constantly saying to me "Who do you think you are?" which kept me in my dis-empowerment and self doubt. Oh I have a story for you!
Well that ego story showed up in real life this weekend as a women, 20 years my senior, said exactly that to me wen we met and I shared with her what it is I do. She had to first get over the initial shock of my title as The Pussy Priestess and then in her discomfort she came at me with all kinds of hard hits to try and knock me down and question myself. Good thing i had done all this spiritual work and re-framing to meet this woman exactly where she was-in her own repressed fear of her feminine essence and old belief system that showing up as an expressed women is weak. She is a Korean woman in her mid 50's and told me that women like "us" aren't't allowed to be saying such things so how dare I talk about it so lightly and with a smile on my face. After about 15 minutes speaking to this woman, there I saw the depth of my previous fears and worries within her as she tells me "you don't know me and need to respect your elders." I knew her in so many ways: her pains, her fears, her need to wear the big boys pants in the corporate world and walk like she's 20 feet tall to protect herself. The truth is, she didn't't know me and what I came to realize in this beautiful lesson from the universe was that a lot of you who I write to also don't know me as in depth of my journey to becoming the Pussy Priestess.
When I was young I would get beaten for not wearing shoes in the street and exploring my pussy with my neighbor and best girlfriend. My mother would ripe up my shorts so I couldn't't wear them as a way to protect me from men. When I was 11 years old I was violently molested by a friend of the family who threw $5 at me as a way of showing my worth-what a total mind fuck that was throughout all of my relationships and adulthood! As I entered into my late teens and early twenties, I had never dealt with this trauma, I was suffering from PTS after all the abuse and was numb in the lower half of my body. In an attempt to feel and experience my first orgasm without any clue on what I was doing, I took a vacuum cleaner hose and placed it to my pussy. I had been influenced by films like 'Road trip' and 'American pie' and wanted to explore my sexuality also however I badly injured myself and performed something that I now know of as genital cruelty.
I never dealt with that shame nor did I tell a single soul from the amount of sheer embarrassment I felt. I stopped being intimate with long term boyfriend and had to live with this deep pain between my thighs for months before it will heal enough to stop swelling. In my mid-20's I found out I had high grade cervical dysplasia CIN II & III and was devastated at the thought of not having children and cutting out parts of my cervix. I was also seeing a very jealous and physically man at the time and my whole life was overhauled by fear.
This was a pivotal moment in my life that had me hit my knees to the ground and I prayed for healing, guidance, and strength. I went through a year of holistic treatment with an ND named Dr. Michele Gerber in Los Angeles and together we worked on changing my lifestyle habits. As a way of coping with the physical pain i was experiencing and to feel my power in what some would find a powerless situation, I turned to yoga and meditation for the first time in my life. I am happy to say that I have remained clear and healthy ever since. Ladies make sure you don't skip out on your yearly pap appointments!
I know what the journey to embodiment is like and how scary it can be to be in your body again. I also know how dis-empowering our society can be towards our bodies and the false ideas around shaming our natural sexual nature whether your a man or woman. How many of you heard the saying that if a man shows his emotions its a sign of weakness and can be considered a "pussy" ? I think that's total bullshit in my book and an insult to me as I know just how powerful my pussy really is. Consider this, what if the word "pussy" came from the root word "passion" and at one point in Ancient Egypt there was a cat like goddess name Bast who was the goddess of passion, pleasure, dance, and celebration and the word pussy was actually honoring these beautiful feminine aspect that live within each of us.
How would you feel about the word 'pussy' now?
Stay tuned for next weeks email blast as I go deeper into the history and education pussy power. Like I said last week "PLAYING SMALL DOESN'T HELP ANYONE, nor does playing the pretend game that you're less than the magnificent brilliant creation of god that you are." Thanks Universe for putting me to the test!
Stackers are always watching to see how we respond to our earth school lessons!
Find out what makes you feel the happiest, healthiest, and most supported and include more of that in your lifestyle.
If you seek assistance in this new lifestyle design I am here to help. Email me directly email@example.com and happy to share some tips with you!
Did you know that you are co-creating your reality in every moment as you play in this interactive video game know as the game of life? You may have forgotten but I am here today to remind you that
It is the ideas, beliefs and projections that you have about yourself and the world that create the person you are today.
There is something within you, even in this moment as you read this message that is desiring to be expressed. Do you give yourself the permission to explore that desire or do you constantly stifle yourself saying " I couldn't do that" or " of course that person can do it because they have the body, training, freedom, support....or" Fill in the blank____ We give ourselves every reason in the book why we cant do something but how often do we give ourselves an "uh- huh" and just go for it!?
When I powerfully proclaimed and stepped into my work as The Pussy Priestess do you think I wasn't sacred shitless about making such a bold statement and what other people would think of me? Of course I was and i would be lying if I didn't say so!
I had to have many friends talk with me for hours and it wasn't until I claimed it and spoke it into exists, with intention that I created the woman who is writing to you today from a place of Authentic Empowerment.
I had so many fears and judgements come up with the little voice inside telling me "who do you think you are, people will take it the wrong way and you cant do this." It was only when I gave myself the permission to own the awesomeness of who I truly am, without censoring myself or dimming my light to no ruffle other peoples feathers, that men and women now from across the world can see me and be positively impacted by my work.
I am here and happy to speak to you if this is where you're at right now in life. Message me.
PLAYING SMALL DOESNT HELP ANYONE, nor does playing the pretend game that you're less than the magnificent brilliant creation of god that you are.
It takes some guts, a lot of self love, and detaching to others opinions to create the person who your soul longs to become in this lifetime.
What if you considered this reality: What was once broken is now healed and whole on display as its own masterpiece. A healer 3 years ago told me something that I will forget; he said the way of love is by our scars. "Show me your scars love and I will show you mine." We all have some kind of wounding, we wouldn't be here on earth school to learn if we didn't have something to work with.
Who are you today, beyond the story of your scars, as the masterpiece creation of your being?
Remember, you are the sculpture.
Start creating an image of yourself that feels good to the touch, pleasant to your eyes, and soothes your heart. Be as outrageous in your being, as bright in your radiance as you can stand it......then push yourself even deeper into the light of love and Shine like Sun because we need your light and unique expression
Today the Lesson is to E N J O Y Summer.
Summer is a wonderful time, when everything is in full bloom.
Summer took me like a passionate lover, grabbed me by the hand and we danced off into the sunset. Our eyes locked deep in a gaze as every color of the rainbow showered down and entered into my body, opening us up to a higher level ecstatic awareness.
The intimacy I felt between me and summer was soft and tender yet firm and penetrating- summer had me dripping wet with every breath and gave me rolling organism with every laugh.
I was so high on the majestic radiance that this lover brought into my life. Each step we took was taking us deeper into pleasure and i was fully surrendered into summers desires.
We may have forgotten what life, magic, and fun this time of year presents us as we have gotten so used to other times.
Often we could get caught in the feeling of autumn when it's the season for introspection or the instinctual habit of hibernation that winter brings.
This weekend marked 50th Anniversary for the Summer of Love that took place in the 60's where thousands of people gathered to celebrate peace, love, music and life of the summer time. As I spoke in front of a room full of people on peace and the women's movement of the 60's I remembered how much I would LIVE for summer days as a girl. How I related to myself back as a young girl was different than how I had related to myself as a woman. Back then I only desired to feel free and playful-so what changed? The lack of permission and rules I put on myself is what changed and the way i related to myself was the issue.
In todays society we are so focused on getting results, more clients, more money, more affluence but what about the value we put on happiness and playfulness. Its just as important as it brings balance to life. Its time to take you panties out of the bunch they have been in and in fact, its time to stop wearing them all together! Let summer be your best lover.
As we enjoy this change of the season my invitation to you is this:
How can you relate to summer and yourself in a new way than you have before in the past and make summer your most passionate love affair this year?
What have you been waiting all summer for long to do and yet have still no plans set in your calendar to do it?
Where is a place you have desires to explore that keeps coming up every that you push off or remember that road trip you have said you always wanted to take-now is the time to do it!
I spent many years looking for love in the bottom of a shot glass at endless nightclubs, bars, and events and at a low point in my life I realized that no amount of alcohol, sex, and partying could satisfy my deep appetite for love. I discovered, through this perfectly designed journey of pain, that the love I was seeking was never outside of myself, it was patiently waiting to be reclaimed and unleashed. This Blog is medicine-Its my medicine to anyone who needs and desires it on their personal journey to reclamation.